Aaron the Name
By: Arlene Lantzer
aaron the name that feels my heart with longing, for the sound of his voice the softness of his face..
Those gentle eyes that could look right thru me but yet need me..
The hands that I use to hold on the nights that the sounds of out side would bring you to the edge of my bed. Not to bother but just in need of being near me.
The little boy who would craw up next to me in my chair and hold strands of my hair in his fingers, while falling asleep so near to me.
aaron the name that feels me with pride and joy. The beautiful boy who came in with book bag and lunch box with all the many wonderful papers that he did in school, ready to show me with a big smile.
The boy who with fear in his eyes about going to school needing me to help him in understanding them.
Trying to do all that he felt that he should to make Mom and Dad happy.
The joy when the fears with all his hard work where put in their place and he moved on.
Watching him grow with self confidence was an every day occurrence.
aaron the name that guides me into many flashes of my love. He brought tenderness in just the words Mom I love you…Be careful today…. Have a good time……
He knew that I could never let him leave my side with out telling him to be careful and watch out for the other guy. For the fears that I had of loosing him where always there, the same fears that I share with his sisters.
I knew that I could not go on with out him. The thought was so devastating that it barely made it self conscience in my thoughts………..
aaron the name that makes me smile with memories of the dismal gold t-shirt from his middle school years. The blue silk shorts that he wore no matter the temperature out side or in.
His long hairy legs sticking out from under those blue shorts to the pantry many times at night not knowing what he was looking for but something had to be there for him
From the pantry to the fridge he would go seeking the great Fudge Debbie Cake to go with his large glass of milk. Allot of thought went into those trips to the pantry…Just let me know what you would like to find in there Bud and I will have it there for you.
aaron the name that gives me strength at this time. His strength goes with me daily for mine is gone. The strength that he developed in school and motocross guide me now. He himself would call upon that strength in the needs that he had. Just think of the gate Buddy, you go off that gate with up to 39 other riders and bikes. Blasting off as fast as the bike will carry you into the first turn…. Call on that strength Buddy when you have situations that you are not comfortable with…. If you can do that you can do anything…..That’s what I tell myself now, if Buddy could do that I know I will try harder in what I have to do with out him.
aaron the name that brings the most beautiful rainbows into my heart. Hey mom lets go look to see if there is a rainbow outside. Generally when there is one out my front door it either begins or ends down at Braddock Cemetery it’s the way its always been. So they start with Bud or go to stay.
I lost my rainbows for quite awhile after Buddy left, always looking for them a sign that I needed. They finally came back, a few at a time not as often as I would like to see them. But when I do see them they are brilliant. For I know who the painter is…. And the message that he is sending… Hey Mom come look at me.
aaron the name that I would shout to tell him to leave the dog alone quite teasing Pud. The same boy that just had to have this cute white fuzzy little puppy. The need for bathing and blowing dry came quickly to and end for Bud…The annoyance came instead… Out of the way Pud you stink…..No time for Pud and Pud had no time for Bud. Then came Babe, a new love for Bud…The smallest puppy that fit in the palm of his hand. A Beagle, snoopy like but was name Babe…She ate a lot.
aaron the name that took care of Babe… Fed, washed, played with and kept close in the comfort of his bed. Well until she started taking most of the space , then she moved to the floor. Bud made sure that she had comfort, he made her a bed with red carpet that now Pud sleeps on. Hammered and tucked the carpet to make sure it was good enough for Babe… Babe even went to a few motocross races with us. Loved by all, even Travis Pastrana liked Babe. The next season of motocross Babe went with us but Bud found that Babe was more to handle in a small car and soon Babe was left at home to wait for her master to come back.
aaron the name use to take Babe out for her walks to do her thing. Not really liking it but she was his dog. Babe would sit at the door until he would come and escort her out. Babe still goes to the door for her walks out side but Bud is not there to slip the collar over her smooth warm head. He is not there to watch the stars in the sky five or six times a night while she does her thing, he’s not there to hear my cries in the night for him. Why God , Oh why did you take my little boy? Babe Hears.
aaron the name that loves cats…The one that tore up a storage shed to find three kittens that where left by their mother. Never giving up when three more kittens needed to be saved at his Grandmothers. Watching over them with tenderness and care. The same three cats that fill his Grandparents lives everyday now, for they where loved by Bud. A gift from Bud to Grandma and Pap.
aaron the name that would take care of any little creature that made it into the house… With all the females up on chairs and couches he would trap and well lets say step on the critter. He was amazing to watch. Blue shorts on, no socks with tennis shoes, broom in hand. He didn’t miss many of them. But tenderness finally won out and capture he would try if at all possible. Even with the expert moves that he put on the cats did not learn a thing.….
aaron the lover of spaghetti with ketchup and parmesan cheese. No Parmesan cheese then don’t make the spaghetti. Don’t over cook it, it gets slimy. Make sure there is a lot. He became his own cook when it came to spaghetti. He stood so tall over the stove as he watch it cook. But then again he had it a couple times a week. The can of parmesan cheese still sits in the back of the frig. We don’t seem to eat spaghetti much any more..
aaron the name that teased his younger sister constantly…Hey move, your in my way, can’t you breath somewhere else…. Why do you get the controller so sticky, what do you have on your hands anyway…Why does Mom stick up for you all the time… Its just not fair….But there to be a friend when needed. Knowing that the person who was in his way all the time was one of his biggest fans.
aaron the name that played dress up with his two sisters. Enjoyed every minute of it. Many fashion shows were put on in the house on days that outside was unattainable. Older sister pretty much ran the show and designed all the outfits.. Somehow aaron boy would come out in a girls outfit… But a big smile was found for he was with the ones that he loved to be with very much.
aaron the name that found coloring eggs at Easter quite a project…Sitting at the center island with all the colors and eggs he went on the mission of the great egg. Trying many different ways to get the most unusual egg. Before his sisters did.
aaron the name that played seek the plastic egg in the kitchen. A dozen or more plastic eggs would be hidden in cups, bowls, behind coffee pots… He loved to look for them. We would play that game over and over… He could place them in hard places to aggravate his younger sister, who had trouble finding them. But would give her the your cold and your hot method to find them.
aaron the name played ball with the dogs as well. He would roll the ball into the kitchen and while the dog chased after the ball and captured it aaron would hide in a place for the dog to find. He would take off so fast laughing and get up on furniture or hide in the tub. The dog was relentless until he found aaron….and they would begin all over again.
aaron the name that makes me smile for the very thought of him is the beating of my heart…I can’t think of a more beautiful name, aaron, aaron do you hear me when I call your name, do you know how much I love you, can you see with in my soul and the struggle that I am having with your absence.. Are you disappointed in my loss of faith in a higher being, please let me know, I wouldn’t want to let you down in anyway…I’m just lost with out you….
aaron the name that found a black cat to be his best friend in a time of confusion. Fell in love with the cat and knew that he needed him. Was never to far away from Boo Boo for a good year. Best friend and companion. Boo Boo is still here with us, a reminder of that little boy and his companion…Just knowing that aaron used to hold and love this cat is warmth to me..
aaron the name who fell apart when a family dog named Chewbacca disappeared… His heart was broken. Looked for him constantly. Calling his name while tears would fall down his face…Never giving up the thought that Chewie would come home soon.
aaron the name that realized that Chewie was not going to be found. He also knew that he had given his all in trying to locate him. A new dog entered into the family nearly a year after Chewie’s disappearance. A dog from the same Mom and Dad as Chewie…One who till this day does not really now what it is like to just run with out a lease. For Bud was scared to death that he would run away just like Chewie, so Cookie became a big part of our house till he got rather big. Then he moved to addition to the back door which still made him very accessible to the kids. Cookie lives in a dog house that has his name above the entrance. Was taught to say I love you, and aaron would show that off to all that wanted to hear it.
aaron the name that loved the Simpson’s….He could tell you every show that was ever aired. He would sit and just crack up watching the shows over an over again. Had supper watching the Simpson’s. Bart really hit a cord with aaron.. And Homer, well he would just laugh and laugh…Of course his desire to watch such crazy shows started back with Homey the Clown…He would not miss a show that Homey was on. His best friend Nathan knew how much aaron like that crazy clown and bought a poster of Homey the Clown for him. It still hangs on the back of aaron’s bedroom door where he hung it….
aaron the name that watched Rain man over and over. Could talk like Dustin Hoffman, would have me and the others in the car on a trip always in tears with his dialog of “I’m a good driver” over and over again…Was very good at impersonations…
March 11, 2003
aaron the name that is so on my heart today, its March 11, 2003 and its been 2 years that you have been gone.. It seems like yesterday that my nightmare started…My pain is as strong as ever, the emptiness is greater than I can bear… I feel that this race that I’m on trying to find you somewhere out there is a race that I for sure will not finish till I’m beside you.
aaron the name that would be 23 today. He is still and always be so very much loved. Proud of you as always. My heart is so heavy in knowing that I can’t hold you in my arms for those wonderful hugs that we shared so many times. The name that will be in my every heart beat today and everyday. But this day brings many wonderful memories to my heart. Of a tender little boy with such big eyes awaiting his gifts and cake. Gi Joe decorations He man decorations and Kristin buzzing around his legs wanting for him to open his gifts. Today we will celebrate Aaron at High Point Raceway. A place that meant allot to Aaron and a place that his presence is so over whelming. We could ask for nothing more wonderful than aaron. Thank you aaron for being our son….I miss you so…………..
January 15, 2004
aaron the name that would make me put my coffee pot outside when I would clean it with vinegar. “Gee Mom that really stinks, do you really have to do that in the house.?’ So I would plug it in near the front door and I would put it out side. Then I would run the vinegar thru it several times.
aaron the name that loved cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Especially on Christmas morning and News Year day. He wouldn’t hesitate to take them pipping hot. Would stand over them and make sure that the frosting hit all sides of the roll. A large glass of milk would follow two or three rolls.
aaron the name that enjoyed my popcorn balls at Christmas. He would want to clean up the pan and the warm syrup that was in the bottom. He would pick out the color for the syrup. Always an interesting color.
aaron the name kept an eye on me when I would make microwave popcorn. He would tell me to hit the stop button when he thought that the kernels started to slow down. He did not like burnt popcorn and would not have any of it if it did burn even a little.
aaron the name that would put a marshmallow on a fork and warm it up over the kitchen stove burner. He didn’t burn them very often. Would take his time in eating them and enjoying them thoroughly.
aaron, aaron, aaron, aaron, aaron, aaron, aaron……………………….. aaron the name